Helen

“I appreciate the things you’ve done for me. And for the things that I inspired you to do. But, please don’t act as if I need to love you back.” 

"Gongju!" Suri pulled herself up. She was startled to see Helen standing behind Siwon. Has she been listening to our conversation? The answer was painted on Helen's face, and it was screaming a yes. Siwon's body stiffened, and little by little, he managed to move his neck, to Helen's direction. He saw first the pieces of a broken glass, it dissipated on the floor and the water once inside it was shapeless again. It sparkled, illuminating colors of the concrete floor. He moved his head up to see a water that had stained Helen's eyes. It was sparkling.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." Helen said and bowed her head, her pounding heart had prevented her to move even an inch, yet her mind was shouting at her, to leave the place. Run away! She stepped her left foot backwards and pivoted. When she was no longer facing them, a sudden and excessive downpour washed her face, hidden in a quiet sob. And she ran away.

Suri kept her eagle-eye on Helen until she vanished with the people. She looked at Siwon, whose eyes never leaving the broken glass. "Choi Siwon"

"Yes?"

"If a girl runs away, she's expecting her prince to find her." said Suri putting her recorder inside her bag. In split second, Siwon got to his feet and ran. "Aigoo.. those kids" She slung her bag over her shoulder and and readied her feet to Seoul, when someone blocked her way.

"Have you seen Gongju?"

"Lee Donghae?!" She hollered in surprise and perhaps, guilt.

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Helen ran her heart out until she was stopped by an impasse. From there, she had the aerial view of Daejeon, people were like ants from down below. The place was quiet, except for the gusting wind that visited her from time to time. Only the wind can find me here.

"Hey, can you hear me?!" Helen shouted into the wind. Silence. "Who are you to say I have changed?! Stupid! I hate it when they cut my hair, especially when they colored it. I hate it when they asked me to wear some clothes that's too revealing for me. I hate it when Lee Sooman named me Helen, because my name is Gongju, and you still call me Gongju. I hate it when I have to sing in front of people, feigning a smile. I hate every rehearsals. I hate reading scripts because I want to read books with Suri and Ara, study for exams. I hate Manager Kim! I hate interviews! I hate photo shoots! Just like today... but my heart didn't change. That's why I hate it! I hate it so much because it didn't change like my hair, like my clothes, like everything. After all, my heart still loves you though it also gives me thousand reasons to hate you." She was crying on her knees,  her hands covered her face, hiding it from the wind.

"And I hate myself even more." The voice came from the man behind her. She knew whose voice was it for she heard it in her every dream. "Get up." Siwon told her, helping her to her feet. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Helen snorted, she looked at him with her tears uncontrollably coming from her eyes. "After you lied about everything, you just say sorry?"

"I'm sorry..." Siwon said, avoiding her gaze. "But I love you.." Helen feigned a laugh.

"Don't say that! I've heard of it many times from G-Dragon! Ah... do you want me to sing that?" she said in between tears and sobs. Then, she started to sing, "I'm so sorry... but I love you da... geojitmal... geojitmal." She stopped. She couldn't hold it any longer, she burst out crying, crying her heart out. "Liar! Liar Liar!" she said repeatedly as her clenched fists thumping Siwon's chest.

Siwon just let her. Standing still, he could not stop her. He deserved it, that was what he told himself. To hurt someone you love, he must receive a punishment far greater than this.

"Why?! Why did you say that?! Why? Siwon why?" Helen cried, as her thumps became softer and lighter. Siwon, took her hand and placed it on her heart.

"I want to explain everything to you but I have lied so much, I'm afraid you won't believe me. Here's my heart, feel it.." He took her other hand and placed it on his mouth. "This mouth has lied so much, but this heart would never lie. It tells me I love you five years ago, until now."

"Choi Siwon..."

"Last night I read the bible. Proverbs 4:23 says, above all else, guard your heart for it affects everything you do. Perhaps, all this time I have taken that too literally. I have guarded my heart that I have hurt you. So now, I'm wearing my heart on my sleeves, I love you Yoon Gongju, please guard my heart." Siwon said, pulling closer Helen to him and kissed her. It was a soft kiss at first, but the taste of love had become stronger, all the restraint feelings sprouted on the spur of the moment. They stopped when they both were gasping for air. "I love you Yoon Gongju." Siwon said, he would kiss her again, when a punch landed on his face.

"Siwon ssi!" Helen squalled seeing Siwon knocked to the ground, blood started to form from the corner of his lips. Siwon wiped it off with his thumb, Helen would help him stand when Donghae pulled her away.

"How dare you kissing my girlfriend?!" Donghae shouted to him, his face full of wrath, the nerves on his neck were visible enough to tell everyone, he was mad. Fucking mad. "I  treat you like my brother, I can share all my things with you but not my girlfriend?!" He spluttered and was about to give Siwon another blow when Helen stopped him, blocking him with her embrace.

"Stop it Donghae. Please."

"Why? Does he kiss better than  me? Do you like being shared?" Donghae asked her sarcastically and Helen found her hand slapped him on the face. Then, she came to her senses, it wasn't Donghae's fault. It was never his fault.

"Sorry... I didn't mean that." she apologized, her eyes couldn't meet his.

"Do you love me?" Donghae asked, his eyes were pitiful. Helen couldn't bear to see it. Helen just nodded, then, Donghae took her hand, dragging her away from that place. Ready to forget anything he had seen. But Helen didn't move. Her feet wouldn't cooperate, it listened only to her heart. "Why?"

"I'm sorry Donghae... but I love him more." Helen said, taking away Donghae's hand from hers and stepped back.

Donghae tried to hold back his tears. He had to accept that he would leave the building without Helen. He had to accept the fact that he was going to continue his life without her. That she loved his best friend more than she loved him.

"Lee Donghae, you're here." It was Suri, panting from running. She saw Donghae looking blankly at her, not so far, there was Helen, and there was also Siwon. You found her, Siwon. 

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The man was gazing at his masterpiece. Hundreds of Suri's pictures. On the table, ten more pictures awaited to be posted on the wall. It was waiting to be stained by his cigarette. Pictures of Suri in the cemetery, alone and with Heechul, pictures on the engagement party, and Suri with red roses. He put it in his wallet, couldn't afford to burn it.

"I think its time for us to meet, My Suri." The man said and laughed like crazy.

Kim Kibum was fucking crazy.