I have no sense of time. I am here in a pitch dark world,where I am too heavy to move. My eyes are too heavy that I can't open them. I can't see anything. Am I dead? I'm not sure. But I feel pain, pain all over my body. Does pain strike you even if you were dead?
I tried to open my eyes. I can't believe it would be a strenuous task. I saw a light, a beacon in the darkness. Though, I can't keep my eyes wide open, I am able to perceive a single ray of light. It is the most assuring light I have ever seen. The moment I see it, I know I'm still alive.
My eyes can't hold out too long. Once again, I am succumbed to darkness. The pain becomes more intense, brutal. It is punishing. Hang in there. I want to tell it to myself but I can't even articulate it. I am that too vulnerable. My voice has gone completely along with the light. Sooner or later, even my last strand of hope will be taken away. Until I hear a sound. The sound becomes voice. That voice adds up to my hope.
"Hang in there. Stay strong Suri." It is Helen, her fingers running through my hair. "Kini's operation is successful, she's safe now. I'm sure you want to see her, so please open your eyes." She starts to cry. "We haven't heard about Siwon... sometimes I feel that I won't see him again. I feel I have already lost him." She cries for a while, sobbing quietly and without a sound. "I'll be leaving for Germany tomorrow. I will study medicine there. Can you just open your eyes for me.. before I leave? Please..." Her tears fall, touching my knuckles, causing a pricking pain.
My knuckles. Do I have scars on them. Would Heechul still kiss them? Heechul. Where is he? I want to ask Helen but the pain hits me. My head hurts the most. And I'm lost in the darkness again. With no sense at all.
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The pain subsides, I feel a lot better now. My world is not a total black anymore, fog comes in. At least, I see something white, like a light. I try to open my eyes, and though its not as heavy as before, my eyelids surrenders even before I can see a complete picture of reality. I accept my defeat and trusts my other senses especially my ears.
The door opens, someone comes in. She greets me with hello. That voice would always call me back in New York. It is Ara. She cooks chicken stew for me, it smells delicious. She sits on the chair in the bed side. She holds my hand, gently enough not to touch my knuckles.
"I have good news for you. Yesung concert will be next month and guess what! I am the director. But wait there's more... the tickets are sold out within ten minutes! Isn't it great?! Heechul is very happy about it... I know. Suri ssi... wake up. Please? The concert is actually for you. Heechul produced the concert for you. Wake up."
A concert? Heechul did produce a concert for me. I didn't expect him to play romantic. Yes, it is great! Daebak! I open my eyes, this time I see Ara vividly. She looks at me and gapes. I want to give her a smile but before I can even do that, darkness consumes me again. Soon, footsteps of nurses emerge from the door.
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How long have I been living in the darkness? Darkness and fog. Both obscures my reality. But both gives back my energy, I think my body is not that heavy now. Can I open my eyes now? I will try. I move my eyelid in a ten degree angle and I see the blurry state of the room. 20 degrees, 30, and soon my eyes are partly open. I see Heechul. He is alive! Heechul is alive!
Happiness fills my heart. Heechul and I are both safe and alive. The feeling gives me strength and I open my eyes completely. I am wide awake now. But...but... Heechul's face becomes Kini. Kini is alive too. The three of us are alive. Am I right?
"Kini ya... have you been well?" I ask her, snuffling, she smiles as a yes. I try to sit up so I can face her. She looks so healthy now, different from the last time I saw her.
"Eonni, thank god you're alive." She hugs me tight and suddenly cries. Soon, I hear sobs. "I'm sorry Eonni. I'm sorry."
"Ya, what are you talking about?" I hold her in her arm and examine her face. I cup it and with my thumbs I wipe off her tears. "I thank also god that you're alive." She hugs me again and cries even harder.
"Heechul oppa saved me."
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After two months in the hospital, I was discharged. Sleeping for a month and killing time for one more month really bored me. I want to go out and see Seoul before I return to New York. My Times family misses me. I am still lucky. I still have my work and Kini. Sungjoon also has become part of the family. When his parents died in Paris, Heechul took care of him. And now that Heechul is gone and left his heart to Kini, I can only repay him by taking care of his cousin. Anyways, Sungjoon will still be a part of the family in the future, seeing how cheesy Kini and him as a couple.
I take Heebum with me, another addition to the family. I will bring this cat to Everland. I take the bus and pass by a huge billboard. It has to be Yesung: The Concert. This bring memories of Heechul, talking non stop about the concert.
"Jang Suri, what do you think of Yesung and Ara?" Heechul asks me, his eyes full of excitement
"Are you producing a concert or playing match-making?" I sneered
"Both." He smiles and kisses my knuckles.
The memory brings a smile on my face and a twinge of pain in my heart. I look at my knuckles, caressing it like Heechul would do. The bus stops. We arrive in Everland. I see excitement in Heebum's eyes. One lucky cat.
Our first date happens here with Helen and Siwon. He would walk fast and take me with him. I would complain because we are leaving Helen and Siwon behind.
"Jang Suri, can't you see? They are enjoying each other's company? Lets leave them alone, arasseo?"
Now, I am smiling to myself, recalling our first date. I never expected this place would be this nostalgic. I take a rest and sit on the bench with Heebum on my lap. Suddenly, he jumps out and runs away. He leads me to the man seeling balloons. The first thing that I received from Heechul was a balloon from this place. I buy the balloons and after Heebum gets tired of it. I have no idea what to do with them. Should I free them and let them fly?
Should I let go of him now? I remove the ring. Our engagement ring, tied it with the balloons and free them. They fly. They look so beautiful in the sky. Kim Heechul, are you doing well?
We leave before the sun sets and go to our new house. The house Heechul built for me. It is still empty now because we haven't moved yet. I'll be leaving soon, I just want to take a look. I also bring food for Heebum and me because I will sleep here. I go to kitchen and start preparing our dinner. From the window, I watch Heebum frolicking with the flowers in the garden.
The dinner is ready, I call Heebum. Until now, I haven't gain my appetite. If Heechul was alive, he would scold me. You know what? I would love to be scolded this time. I cooked ramyeon. I cool it first, with the chopsticks tickling the pot.
"Jang Suri, we will live here with our kids. And Sungjoon and Kini forever."
"Sungjoon and Kini? Forever? Do you wish bringing their wife and husband here?"
"No. I just feel like they would end up with each other."
I hear him again.You call yourself a match-maker and you left me. Bastard. I don't want to hear him again. How can I move on? How? I gorge myself with ramyeon until my mouth is full. I can't even chew it. I can't taste it anymore. I cry and cry and cry. It's not ramyeon. It's Heechul's kiss.
